What Happens if I Tell?

Telling an adult that you are being abused or neglected is a very difficult thing to do. Most kids are really afraid of what is going to happen if they tell - it can be a very scary thing. So we’re going to try to break it down for you, so you know what to expect. The most important thing to know is that the Department of Social Services (DSS) really isn’t out to get you (or your family) - they really want to work with your family to help make sure you and your siblings are safe and well cared for.

If the adult you tell makes a report to the Department of Social Services, DSS may send a social worker to come talk with you. The social worker will ask you questions about the abuse and may ask if he or she could take pictures of any bruises or injuries that you may have. Don’t worry if you don’t have any; the social workers know that not all kids who are being abused have physical marks. Some of the questions may be difficult to answer - the social workers understand this too. But try to answer if you can...remember that DSS wants to help you and your family. If you have been hurt very badly or sexually abused, the social worker may want you to see a doctor, just to make sure that everything is okay.

The social worker may also talk to your parents/guardians and to each of your siblings separately. He or she will also talk to anyone else who lives with you. Usually, this will all happen within 10 days after the report was made to DSS (at least in Massachusetts - it may be a little different in other States). If it is an emergency (that is, if you or your siblings are in immediate danger), the social worker will talk to everyone within 24 hours - they work fast! When the social worker talks with you, be sure to tell him or her if you think that you or your siblings are in immediate danger or if you’re afraid to go home, so that DSS can help you.

After the social worker talks with everyone, he or she will decide how best to help your family and whether or not DSS needs to stay involved to make sure you get the help you need. DSS does NOT want to take kids out of their homes - this only happens once in while, in cases of really serious abuse or neglect. But, for the most part, DSS will work with your family to provide resources that can help. Also, know that DSS doesn’t arrest anyone - they are not the police. In certain cases of serious abuse (and in all cases of sexual abuse, at least in Massachusetts), DSS may have to notify the District Attorney or police, who can then decide whether they should arrest the person who hurt you and take him or her to court. It’s not uncommon for kids to want the person abusing them and/or their siblings to go to jail...you can tell the social worker if this is the case. He or she can then talk to you more about your situation and whether or not the person abusing you could be put in jail.

If the social worker decides that your family needs help from DSS, he or she will talk to your parents/guardians and work out a plan. Sometimes, this may involve counseling or parent education for them, so that they can learn how to take care of you and your siblings in a way that keeps you safe and meets your needs. DSS will continue to check in to make sure your parents/guardians are sticking to the plan and that things are getting better. The social worker may also recommend that you and your siblings talk to a psychologist or counselor. This is because kids whose families are having trouble usually have a lot of confusing feelings. They may think that the abuse was their fault or that they could have stopped it. They may be really angry, and that anger may come out at school instead of at home. They may be really depressed and hopeless. Whatever you’re feeling, the counselor can help you sort these things out so that you feel better.